Night In

Written by Glassdarkly, October 2007

"Spi-ike?"

"What, Dru love? Pass us the choccies, will you?"

"These little brown things? They donít smell nearly as nice as rats."

"Donít care, I like Ďem. What was it you wanted to ask me?"

"Why do we have a night off on Halloween? I forget."

"Soddit, Dru! You do this every year. Sícos Halloweenís got too commercial, yeah? Sía form of protest Ė like goiní on strike or something."

"Itís silly and I donít like it."

"Oh come on, princess. Itís not that bad Ė a night in alone together Ė stay at home and watch the telly Ė not kill people, just for once. It could be worse."

"Itís boring. Iím bored. Do something to amuse me or Miss Edith will spank your bottom."

"Iíd like to see her sodding well try Ė oww! No, Dru, that wasnít an invitation Ė well, maybe later, but I wanna watch this film first."

"The filmís boring too. All that lovely blood going to waste. Why donít those silly people drink it?"

"Theyíre not vampires, love, theyíre humans Ėand bloody stupid humans too, judging by what weíve seen so far. Donít seem to have watched one horror film between Ďem."

"That fair-haired girl reminded me of Grandmama."

"What, the stupid one who got chopped up with a giant pair of scissors? Good thing Darlaís not around to hear you say that, love. Donít think sheíd like the comparison."

"Run and catch, run and catch, the lamb is caught in the blackberry patchÖ"

"Hush, Dru love. Iím watching this. Also, donít you know any other nursery rhymes? Iím sick of that one. No, donít look like that. I didnít mean it. You sing what you like. Take no notice of the bad, rude man."

"Youíre Mr Grumpy Pants."

"No Iím not!"

"You are Ė and do you know why?"

"Whyís that, then, Dru?"

"Because youíre bored too."

"I bloody well am not."

"Yes, you are. Mummy can tell."

"Donít say that, Dru. Youíre not my mum Ė nothing like her. And anyway, I am not bored."

"Are."

"Am not! Oh, bloody hell! Listen to us!"

"We sound like naughty children."

"Speak for yourself."

"Do you think Daddy will spank us later?"

"Not likely Ė what with us not having seen the old tosser since 1943."

"Itís not fair! I wanted to play with Angelus on the submarine. You have all the fun."

"Thatís not what you said at the time. At the time, you said you didnít want to go to that virgin blood party anyway."

"Iíve changed my mind. Darla always said that was a womanís prerogative."

"Well Ė all right, but I still donít think old Daddyís gonna be spanking us any time soon Ė spanking you, I mean. Iíd like to see him try and spank me. Not a chance. Why are you laughing?"

"The pixies told me to."

"You always say that when you donít want to answer my questions. And whyíve you got this obsession with spanking tonight anyway?"

"Because youíve made me bored, silly! I thought I told you that."

"Youíre not gonna let me watch this film in peace, are you Dru?"

"I donít think so."

"Well, we canít go out. Itís our night off and weíre not allowed, thatís all."

"Weíll have to play here, then? Where did that nice man go?"

"Which nice man would that be?"

"The nice man whose letting us stay in his house."

"Oh, him! I think heís having a lie down."

"Is it his night off too?"

"No, love. I think heís just a bit tired."

"Why is he tired? Itís not even eleven oíclock yet."

"Oh, on account of that we killed him."

"We did? I donít remember. What a shame. I so wanted someone new to play with. Iím very sad now."

"Well Ė about that-"

"Why are you looking at me that way, Spike?"

"Soddit!"

"Whatís the matter?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise but I canít resist you when you look at me with those big, mad blue eyes."

"Ooh, a surprise! I love surprises. Is it my birthday?"

"Every day is your birthday to me, princess."

"My little Spike. That deserves an extra special kiss."

"God, Dru, you taste like heaven!"

"Silly boy! Heaven isnít for the likes of us. Mummy will have to spank you after all for saying so."

"Well Ė all right then, if itíll make you happy. I am a bit bored, to tell you the truth. This filmís bloody rubbish."

"I told you."

"You did, princess, and you were right, of course."

"Iím always right. You ought to know that by now."

"Yeah, yeah Ė donít rub it in. You canít have your present till later, though."

"Why not? Where is it anyway?"

"Upstairs in the bedroom."

"You bad boy! I thought you said Halloween was our night off."

"Well, itís not like I went hunting, is it? I mean, I canít help it if girls just follow me home, can I?"

"Is she pretty?"

"Not as pretty as you, love Ė but no one could be - and her hair needs a good brushing. Youíll like doing that."

"Is she wearing a pretty dress?"

"Wasn't wearing much of anything last time I looked."

"Oh Spike, this will be delicious."

"I bloody well hope so Ė but you canít have her until after midnight Ďcos then Halloweenís over."

"But Iím still bored and itís all your fault."

"My fault? I donít make the rules, love."

"Silly Spike. There are no rules. Daddy always used to say,í Do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the lawí."

"He didnít make that up, you know."

"I donít care. Iím too bored. Iím going to spank you and then Iíll have my present."

"Oww! Careful, Dru. That hurts. Not for long, all right?"

"Donít be silly, Spike. Itís still an hour till midnight. A night in, in front of the telly, just like you said."

"Oww! Bloody hell, that hurts! Tell you what, Dru love, bugger tradition, next year weíll do Halloween your way. Owww!"