"Spi-ike?"
"What, Dru love? Pass us the choccies, will you?"
"These little brown things? They don’t smell nearly as nice as rats."
"Don’t care, I like ‘em. What was it you wanted to ask me?"
"Why do we have a night off on Halloween? I forget."
"Soddit, Dru! You do this every year. S’cos Halloween’s got too commercial, yeah? S’a form of protest – like goin’ on strike or something."
"It’s silly and I don’t like it."
"Oh come on, princess. It’s not that bad – a night in alone together – stay at home and watch the telly – not kill people, just for once. It could be worse."
"It’s boring. I’m bored. Do something to amuse me or Miss Edith will spank your bottom."
"I’d like to see her sodding well try – oww! No, Dru, that wasn’t an invitation – well, maybe later, but I wanna watch this film first."
"The film’s boring too. All that lovely blood going to waste. Why don’t those silly people drink it?"
"They’re not vampires, love, they’re humans –and bloody stupid humans too, judging by what we’ve seen so far. Don’t seem to have watched one horror film between ‘em."
"That fair-haired girl reminded me of Grandmama."
"What, the stupid one who got chopped up with a giant pair of scissors? Good thing Darla’s not around to hear you say that, love. Don’t think she’d like the comparison."
"Run and catch, run and catch, the lamb is caught in the blackberry patch…"
"Hush, Dru love. I’m watching this. Also, don’t you know any other nursery rhymes? I’m sick of that one. No, don’t look like that. I didn’t mean it. You sing what you like. Take no notice of the bad, rude man."
"You’re Mr Grumpy Pants."
"No I’m not!"
"You are – and do you know why?"
"Why’s that, then, Dru?"
"Because you’re bored too."
"I bloody well am not."
"Yes, you are. Mummy can tell."
"Don’t say that, Dru. You’re not my mum – nothing like her. And anyway, I am not bored."
"Are."
"Am not! Oh, bloody hell! Listen to us!"
"We sound like naughty children."
"Speak for yourself."
"Do you think Daddy will spank us later?"
"Not likely – what with us not having seen the old tosser since 1943."
"It’s not fair! I wanted to play with Angelus on the submarine. You have all the fun."
"That’s not what you said at the time. At the time, you said you didn’t want to go to that virgin blood party anyway."
"I’ve changed my mind. Darla always said that was a woman’s prerogative."
"Well – all right, but I still don’t think old Daddy’s gonna be spanking us any time soon – spanking you, I mean. I’d like to see him try and spank me. Not a chance. Why are you laughing?"
"The pixies told me to."
"You always say that when you don’t want to answer my questions. And why’ve you got this obsession with spanking tonight anyway?"
"Because you’ve made me bored, silly! I thought I told you that."
"You’re not gonna let me watch this film in peace, are you Dru?"
"I don’t think so."
"Well, we can’t go out. It’s our night off and we’re not allowed, that’s all."
"We’ll have to play here, then? Where did that nice man go?"
"Which nice man would that be?"
"The nice man whose letting us stay in his house."
"Oh, him! I think he’s having a lie down."
"Is it his night off too?"
"No, love. I think he’s just a bit tired."
"Why is he tired? It’s not even eleven o’clock yet."
"Oh, on account of that we killed him."
"We did? I don’t remember. What a shame. I so wanted someone new to play with. I’m very sad now."
"Well – about that-"
"Why are you looking at me that way, Spike?"
"Soddit!"
"What’s the matter?"
"I wanted it to be a surprise but I can’t resist you when you look at me with those big, mad blue eyes."
"Ooh, a surprise! I love surprises. Is it my birthday?"
"Every day is your birthday to me, princess."
"My little Spike. That deserves an extra special kiss."
"God, Dru, you taste like heaven!"
"Silly boy! Heaven isn’t for the likes of us. Mummy will have to spank you after all for saying so."
"Well – all right then, if it’ll make you happy. I am a bit bored, to tell you the truth. This film’s bloody rubbish."
"I told you."
"You did, princess, and you were right, of course."
"I’m always right. You ought to know that by now."
"Yeah, yeah – don’t rub it in. You can’t have your present till later, though."
"Why not? Where is it anyway?"
"Upstairs in the bedroom."
"You bad boy! I thought you said Halloween was our night off."
"Well, it’s not like I went hunting, is it? I mean, I can’t help it if girls just follow me home, can I?"
"Is she pretty?"
"Not as pretty as you, love – but no one could be - and her hair needs a good brushing. You’ll like doing that."
"Is she wearing a pretty dress?"
"Wasn't wearing much of anything last time I looked."
"Oh Spike, this will be delicious."
"I bloody well hope so – but you can’t have her until after midnight ‘cos then Halloween’s over."
"But I’m still bored and it’s all your fault."
"My fault? I don’t make the rules, love."
"Silly Spike. There are no rules. Daddy always used to say,’ Do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law’."
"He didn’t make that up, you know."
"I don’t care. I’m too bored. I’m going to spank you and then I’ll have my present."
"Oww! Careful, Dru. That hurts. Not for long, all right?"
"Don’t be silly, Spike. It’s still an hour till midnight. A night in, in front of the telly, just like you said."
"Oww! Bloody hell, that hurts! Tell you what, Dru love, bugger tradition, next year we’ll do Halloween your way. Owww!"